What we learned from ‘Friends’: Why Ross sucks

Friends, TV,

This post is part of a series about “Friends.” Read more here.

friends_logo

Ross is the absolute worst. He’s such a terrible human being, in fact, that the most valuable thing he can possibly do in the “Friends” universe is get hurt or look stupid in some way.

I have never laughed so hard as when Joey punched Ross in the face… because I wanted to punch Ross in the face. Everyone wants to punch Ross in the face. Ross is a valuable part of the series, however, because he creates conflict, turmoil and anger by SUCKING AT BEING A HUMAN BEING! Not only that, but many of his behaviors, if exhibited by a 20-something white guy in real life, would be major red flags.

Here is a list, though by far not all-inclusive, of reasons I think Ross sucks.

1. He’s needy.
As you’ll see below, his neediness is only the beginning of the near-serial-killer psychosis that inhabits Ross. Some examples of his neediness, in no particular order: In London, after saying the wrong name at his wedding, Ross insists that his sister and friend stay with him. ALL NIGHT. He buzzkills a night of hockey by making it all about his ex. After Rachel dumps him for sleeping with the girl from the copy place, he insists that his friends hang out with him and only him, whines when they want to do something with Rachel, then ruins his ex’s anniversary by eating all the food she made for her wife and refusing to leave.

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“I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met”

Game of Thrones, TV

This post is about Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 7: “The Broken Man.” Spoilers below. Click here for all Game of Thrones posts.

95064c556fce57b52dd83b45daa32893-1024x576I’ve refrained from my GoT blogging for a few episodes — partly because of wanting to just relax and watch some great TV without taking notes, but also because I was so emotional about the whole “Hold the door” thing that I really couldn’t write about it.

And I don’t mean, like, I’m all sad and crying because a beloved character (probably) died. I just mean because it was such an amazing plot point that it blew my mind beyond the ability to put it into words. And I know we were all supposed to be really excited about the return of a certain very cold Stark, but I wasn’t in the mood to right. So I know I last wrote about episodes 1 and 2, but hey, here’s 7:

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Be smarter than me

Alice Isn't Dead, Disparition, Music, Podcasts, ,

This post is about the podcast Alice Isn’t Dead, Part 1, Chapters 5-7: “Signs and Wonders,” “Sylvia” and “Let’s Break into a Police Station.”

Alice Isn't DeadI got a little behind on Alice, but I still want to write about the whole of part 1, so I decided to combine the latest three episodes to catch up on my stray thoughts.

In chapters 5, 6, and 7 in Part 1, as we’ve seen (or heard, I guess) in previous episodes, every now and then we’re introduced to a new concept, style or treatment of the narrative that I think starts to add not only to our understanding of the narrators journey, but to our ability to become a part of the world. “Signs and Wonders” starts out with more of the normalcy of being on the road: cruise control, billboards, etc., then starts a slow burn into the narrator completely breaking down. She’s going through Alice’s computer and their finances — which is what you do when your spouse dies or disappears — and finds out about all of Alice’s lies. That’s already hurtful; so eventually, when she sees messages on billboards that could only have come from Alice, telling her to give up looking for her, it’s too much.

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Don’t eat the help

Game of Thrones, TV,

This post is about the first two episodes of Season 6 of Game of Thrones, “The Red Woman” and “Home.” Minor spoilers below.

95064c556fce57b52dd83b45daa32893-1024x576Episode one amazingly managed to hit on every major plot point, either to move it forward or just remind us hat’s going on. It’s not something likely to happen in a George R.R. Martin book, but on screen it’s incredibly helpful. One character we didn’t get to see the first week was Tommen, the last Lannister/Baratheon spawn and the king — which fabulously exemplifies the fact that, to people under duress and with actual day-to-day problems, who the rich and powerful hold up as their leader is really not important. (Hey! Just like real life!) But baby king is back in episode two, having a heart-to-heart with his Uncle Dad over his sister’s dead body.

Because the season opener is titled “The Red Woman,” I thought we’d see more of Melisandre, but instead we just learned more about her. Like that she’s a million billion years old. It’s an interesting thing to think about (and a super amazing special effect that blew my mind). If you think about all that has happened in the realm through the run of this show alone, then think that she’s been around for every cycle of human terribleness, possibly, since the beginning of time, it makes sense she’d be fairly wise. Even if she doesn’t have super powers to see the future, she probably still can use her wealth of historical knowledge to determine how human conflicts will resolve. Between her reveal, the blind Arya fight scene and the Dorne slaughter, there’s plenty of intense and expensive-looking HBO eye candy in the first episode.

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Natural criminals

Better Call Saul, TV

This post is about the final two episodes of Better Call Saul, season 2: “Nailed” and “Klick.” Click here for all Better Call Saul posts.

Going to the finalcover170x170 two episodes of season 2 of Better Call Saul, I had the expectation of more things wrapping up and coming together. I was too lazy to write a post for each episode as I watched them, so here are some thoughts on both:

“Nailed,” the penultimate episode, opened with the typical artsy, cryptic and beautifully edited intro. It’s always fun to watch these. Especially toward the end of a season, they add to the suspense and anxiety I feel for the show to get back to certain story arcs before it’s over. In this case, it builds to a dramatic climax, making up for the other intros that are merely artistic without payoffs. And there’s so much to love in this whole episode; least of all Kim’s transition from her usual Ponytail Pro to a more casual Intentionally Messy Bun for the office renovation.

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Love is cooking together

Alice Isn't Dead, Disparition, Music, Podcasts

This post is about the podcast Alice Isn’t Dead, Part 1, Chapter 4: “The Factory by the Sea.” 

When I listened to this episode the first time, I missed a lot because I was so focused on the music. Alice Isn't Dead

I started it again on my commute this morning and realized there was much more going on. I’d been mildly aware that something scary happened, but I completely missed the little time jump and the man who seems to have aged before the narrator’s eyes.

The way the music flows along with the story is very well done. At the line “The whole of the machines echoed from the empty scaffolding and walkways,” the music portrayed this so well (yet subtly) that it felt like I was there.

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There’s baloney in my slacks

Animaniacs, TV

Netflix has graced us with the gift of all episodes of Animaniacs!, and those of us who grew up with the Warner brothers and the Warner sister, Dot, are so excited we have bologna in our slacks.

animaniacsDuring this era, there seems to have been an interest in “unscripted” animated television, echoing the the tendency for characters in older short cartoons to do impressions or other bits in the midst of the plot. I was old enough at the time to know that, given that the characters were drawn, they couldn’t actually improv. But “Tiny Toon Adventures” (the scripts were rejected/expect the unexpected) and “Animaniacs” (the writers flipped/we have no script/why bother to rehearse?) maintain the illusion of cartoon characters who control their own actions, setting them apart from the more narrative, plot-driven series produced by Disney.

The Animaniacs themselves have dog/bunny-like features and look a little like Oswald the rabbit (although he was a Disney character). They mostly just look like some sort of generic, old-timey animation character. If Wikipedia is to be believed, there actually were four real-live Warner brothers who founded Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. born in the late 1800s. It seems like there were other children in the family as well, possibly more Warner brothers, and I’m assuming some Warner sisters, although women probably weren’t important back then.

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Snubber vs. snubbee

Better Call Saul, TV

Better Call Saul, Season 2, Episode 8: ”Fifi.” Click here for all Better Call Saul posts.

cover170x170This episode was a little underwhelming, but still good. It’s mostly a kind of slow filler episode, which made it not hold my attention as much as others have in the past, but I do think it hits some important beats that help move along the different plot lines going on in the season.

The intro border crossing has been the topic of much discussion after this episode aired, and it was pretty cool on its own. That and a few other spots this week gave me a feeling I used to get all the time when watching Breaking Bad: being a criminal is way too complicated!

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Stop asking the wrong questions

Alice Isn't Dead, Podcasts

This post is about the podcast Alice Isn’t Dead, Part 1, Chapter 3: “Nothing to See.” 

Alice Isn't DeadRoad trips come with the constant ethical dilemma of whether it’s OK to pee somewhere without buying anything.

I live in the Midwest, which means visiting family or friends a few hours away equals driving a few hours, as public transportation isn’t as readily available. I have always felt the pressure to spend money if I’m going to pee somewhere, even though, on the rare occasion I haven’t, it’s not like anyone who works there gave me dirty looks (even though it was quite obvious). I once took a pregnancy test in a Hardee’s bathroom out of panic after I had a dream that I was pregnant and felt the need to take one as immediately as possible, thus stopped to pick one up on a holiday road trip, intending to take it to my final destination, but couldn’t wait.

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Neck deep

The Walking Dead, TV

Walking Dead, Season 6, Episode 16: “Last Day on Earth.” Some spoilers. More Walking Dead here.

walkingdead-logoWell, it was incredibly likely it was going to be someone’s last day on earth. And with so much tension and so many main characters separated, who knows, it might be several people.

This season has led us to a point at which the world is getting smaller outside the fence; to the point that they can’t go out on some random quest without an attack, and when they try to avoid conflict, it’s shoved in their faces literally at every turn. And the horrors that the Saviors orchestrate just get more and more intense (and more needlessly complex) as a small group tries to get Maggie to a doctor.

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